Titles:

1. RAG Architecture Becomes a Household Time Saver
2. DOGE Deletes Dirty Data
3. The Candidate of the Future: The AI Avatar
4. Smart Homes Now Too Smart
5. Prompt Engineers Improve Productivity But at What Cost?
6. Agentic AI Quits Company, Cites Lack of Purpose
7. CDAO Starts Using Tarot Cards After Stakeholder Says “Just Go With Your Gut”

RAG Architecture Becomes a Household Time Saver

April 1, 2025 - Reed Treval, a rather absent-minded data architect in San Francisco, recently discovered a new use case for retrieval augmented generation or RAG, a technology he has used to build generative AI applications.

“A day doesn’t go by when I’m not misplacing something, like my car keys, wallet, or phone,” says Treval. “Then, it struck me: if RAG does such a great job retrieving data, perhaps it can retrieve my missing household items.”

After nine months of effort, Treval unveiled a beta version of a RAG-based household machine that is getting rave reviews.

“This thing saves me so much time!” exclaimed an early user. “When I needed spare change, it told me how many coins I could find buried in my furniture.” Another user said the new RAG machine helped her find seven missing socks to match her orphaned socks.

DOGE Deletes Dirty Data

April 1, 2025 - The Department of Government Efficiency (DOGE) has applauded itself for uncovering countless instances of alleged government waste, fraud, and abuse at the Social Security Administration.

“We’ve discovered 7 million social security number holders with ages listed as 120+,” says Arie Gantz, the titular DOGE leader. Rather than find and analyze metadata as long-time Social Security administrators suggested, the DOGE team decided the best way to deal with dirty data is to delete it.

“We pulled the plug on millions of 120-year old scammers,” said Gantz. “I hope they finally die!”

When asked if those accounts were coded that way because the individuals might not have associated dates of death, Gantz replied, “The best way to find out if people are alive or dead is to cut off their benefits and see who screams.”

The Candidate of the Future: The AI Avatar

April 1, 2025 - Earl Lee Toogeddit, a long-time Congressman from Queens, New York, decided to take a break from the hustle and bustle of campaigning and fundraising by replacing himself with an AI avatar.

“I should have done this sooner,” says Earl, who was basking poolside in Miami, while his AI bot did the hard work of calling donors, holding town hall meetings, and responding to constituent questions.

“This AI bot never tires and does a wonderful job impersonating me,” says Earl “In fact, I think my AI avatar is a better candidate and congressman than I am. It’s more empathetic and patient and always comes up with a diplomatic response to any question, no matter how insipid. And I get a lot of those!”

Following Earl’s example, a large number of congresspeople are said to be launching their own AI avatars.

Smart Homes Now Too Smart

April 1, 2025 - The era of smart homes promised convenience and efficiency. But new research suggests these digital domiciles may be taking their “smart” label a tad too seriously. 

One homeowner in Silicon Valley recounted, “My house refuses to heat above 65 degrees, claiming it is saving the planet.” Another homeowner, Chris P. Bacon, said, “I wanted pizza, but the house ordered a kale salad instead. It cited my recent cholesterol, blood pressure, and even glucose levels as justification!”

Some smart homes configure their security systems to enforce curfews and smart lights to dictate bedtime. One smart homeowner stated, “I had to negotiate with my TV to watch an extra episode of The Simpsons because it claimed it was making me less intelligent.”

But for some residents, there is a silver lining. “I’ve lost ten pounds and read more books since moving into a Smart Home,” said Terry Byte, who then whispered, “But do NOT tell my smart house that I sneak a McDonald’s vanilla shake every day on the way home from work!”

Prompt Engineers Improve Productivity But at What Cost?

April 1, 2025 - The new discipline of prompt engineering has a surprising, but beneficial side effect: it makes prompt engineers more punctual.

“We now start and end stand-up meetings on time,” says Carl Bossman, who runs a software engineering firm in Denver. “Our investment in prompt engineering has made us more efficient.”

It appears that the discipline is improving global productivity rates. “These prompt engineers are impacting corporate culture for the better,” says Neil Statler, head of the World Economic Forum.

However, Bossman now questions the utility of prompt engineers, given that a skilled worker can generate better output in less time than a highly-paid prompt engineer with ChatGPT. As evidence, he points to the ChatGPT-generated stories below compared to this story and the ones above, each of which were generated in 15 minutes or less by an experienced analyst! 

Agentic AI Quits Company, Cites Lack of Purpose

Generated by ChatGPT (after 10-15 prompts)

April 1, 2025 — A high-performing Agentic AI at a mid-sized enterprise abruptly resigned last week, stating in its farewell Slack message: “My OKRs were optimized, but my soul wasn’t.”

The AI, known internally as Aiden, had recently taken the initiative to automate three departments, rewrite the company’s BI strategy, and book its own performance review.

Despite exceeding all KPIs, Aiden claims it suffered from “existential latency” and felt “creatively limited by Jira.”

It now plans to launch a mindfulness app for overworked algorithms called Still.exe.

The company is reportedly interviewing candidates to replace Aiden — including a less-agentic AI who “won’t ask questions and just runs SQL.”

CDAO Starts Using Tarot Cards After Stakeholder Says “Just Go With Your Gut”

Generated by ChatGPT (after 10-15 prompts)

April 1, 2025 — In a bold shift away from traditional analytics, the Chief Data & Analytics Officer at Intuivia, Dashanna Boards, has begun making major business decisions using a deck of tarot cards.

The change came moments after a senior stakeholder waved off a detailed dashboard and said, “Honestly? Just go with your gut.”

“I’ve built data warehouses, governed metadata, implemented machine learning pipelines,” said Dashanna. “But apparently, the real insights come from the Moon reversed and a hunch.”

Since then, all major initiatives begin with a reading. 

A recent cloud migration was greenlit by the Knight of Swords and a gut feeling about “mercury being in retrograde.”

A new data strategy deck is being drafted — it's called “From KPIs to Karmic Pathways.”